Writing myself to sleep
Kategori: Change
Soooo....I don't really know what I'm planning to write. It's now offically the first of August and in less than a month I will move 850 kilometers away to Örebro, a really beautiful city actually, but....I will be leaving everyone that I love behind. My family, relatives, animals and friends. It sucks. The very thought of it makes me feel numb. Wife is away, she's traveled to visit some relatives, and like always when she's gone I feel a void, like something is missing. After so many years of friendship you become a bit dependent on each other. Right now I almost feel like a leech, deprived of its food source and on the verge of starving (wonderful imaginary, right?) And tomorrow me and my father are driving to Kiruna to visit som relatives as well, but also to fish and hike. The days are counting down insanely fast and I'm starting to panic a little bit. Three years of study awaits me. Wife will be in Umeå, Always Ultra will probably be in Linköping, the Cockcrusher in Borlänge and the rest will stay here in dear old Skellefteå. I hate change, but I guess change is inevitable. It forces you to grow after all, and I would be lying if I said that there isn't a part of me that's a little bit excited. Who knows what will happen? Everything can happen, which is both a thrilling and petrifying thought. But I know that everyone is just as terrified as me, I'm not alone to feel fear amongst my group of loved ones. But to me it's therapeutic to write about it so here I am at 00.35, trying to write myself to sleep since I will be the one driving tomorrow, wouldn't do to be drowsy behind the wheel. Anyway... I'm just scared that all of my worst fears are going to become reality. And I'm afraid of all the opportunities I'm leaving behind. There is a guy I would like to give a second chance...And an old friend I would love to reconnect with...But all of that is a bit hard to do if I'm 850 kilometers away. What if I have a nervous breakdown down there and Wife isn't present to calm me down (or breakdown with me?) Jesus, I will be calling her and texting her every second of everyday! Probably even in my sleep. I will have to get a job so that I can travel up here as often as possibly. It would seriously be worth it. Now I'm actully feeling kind of tired, so best to cut this short. Sweet dreams everyone, thanks to all of you who had the patience to read through my rambling!
(Btw, I do feel a little bit happier now, but that's only because I'm listening to "On My Way" with Phil Collins...hehe)
Bye bye,
Lover
